Britons demand to live in medieval village surrounded by a wall

Sales manager Roy Hobbs said: “We want to live in tiny villages with our own kind and a big wall to keep out immigrants and wolves. It’s the only way forward.

“We won’t need the EU because we’ll trade with ourselves. If you’ve got apples and your neighbour’s got leeks you’d just barter, although I’m not sure how you’d buy a new laptop.

“The main thing is the wall will keep people out. It’s not racist to want to protect the blacksmith’s job or stop gangs of young men molesting your chickens.”